Selfed 39 - self rejection is many mini acceptances

This one felt a lot like what Selfed ended up being in 2021. I spoke from first person experience and gave real experienced examples of the point I was attempting to make here, and I did the thing that made me delete the podcast previously, which was be real. The discomfort that came up knowing what I’ve said here is something I choose to respond to differently than I would normally. I’d normally FIGHT by biting my tongue, FLIGHT by avoiding offending people, I’d FAWN by intentionally using inclusive language encompassing as many experiences into my story as I could, or I’d FREEZE and redo the whole episode. We’re moving FORWARD through the discomfort and using the energy of the discomfort as excitement to propel us toward our goal of connecting with ourselves.

This episode I share about how roughly 12 situations have come up in the past week where I’ve been flaked on and felt disappointed/deprioritized. I realize my role in these is that I filter in low quality people by making low quality asks of them and setting the bar super low for expectations. It’s like wanting pizza, but asking for a single ingredient to make it because you don’t want to burden the person OR experience rejection. If you want pizza, ask for pizza. Don’t go in asking for sausage, and then maybe some peppers, or pepperoni, because while you’re more likely to get just what you ask for, what you’re also doing is burning in your mind that you’re incapable of getting what you really want. My mini asks in avoidance of rejection accumulated into a big realization of self-rejection. After many mini requests, whether accepted or rejected, I still train myself that I deserve less. Examples can be found in this episode of Selfed with Courtney Brame.